Hansel and Gretel: The Movie Scripts – 16 April 2015

[Just having some fun today, after watching the second episode of the trilogy that Peter Jackson created from The Hobbit.]

Hansel and Gretel
Adapted for Peter Jackson

Episode One:
The Family Menace
Wherein
A young man
Dominated by his
Secretly evil mother
Meets a brave young warrior
A good witch
Who gives him the courage
To join her fight
Against the Dark Web
A league of evil
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Two:
Attack of the Gnomes
Wherein
The good witch
And her brave
But psychologically damaged
Warrior husband
Lead the fight
To keep the forest free of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Three:
Revenge of the Dark Web
Wherein
Our valiant pair
Fight on
As more of the forest
Falls to the Dark Web of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead
(Pausing only
For the good witch
To birth her children
Hansel and Gretel)
Spoiler alert:
The good witch dies

In between Episode:
Rogue Witchkiller
Wherein
Another valiant
But doomed
Mismatched pair
Find love and adventure
Stealing the plans
For the Candy Cottage
Being built by the Dark Web of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Four:
The Children Lose Hope
Wherein
Ten years later
Our widowed warrior
Unhappily remarried to
A beautiful but evil
Warrior witch
Trains his children
In warrior ways
While his wife
Tries to kill them
With help from
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Five:
The Witch Strikes Back
Wherein
The evil stepmother
Tries harder
To kill the children
With the help of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Six:
Return of the Children
Wherein
The original fairytale
Is contained
In its entirety

Episode Seven:
The Gold Awakens
Wherein
Fourteen years later
Hansel and Gretel
Use their magical gold
To finance an army
To destroy
The bigger, better
Candy Castle
Being built by
The Darker Web of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Eight:
The Last Witch-burner
Wherein
Gretel’s daughter fights
(Can you guess?)
The Really Very Dark Web of
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead

Episode Nine:
Working title: Black Gold
Not yet plotted
But we know
There will be
A good witch
A troubled man
More
Witches and warlocks
Goblins and ghouls
Orcs and ogres
And the Walking Dead
And possibly, probably
A bigger, better
Candy Citadel

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s