Three Minutes of Thoughts

“History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.” James Joyce

[A bit of an explanation: Rebecca’s workshop challenge today was to think about the James Joyce quote for a few seconds, set a timer for 3 minutes and then just write whatever came, for those three minutes.]

But it is not even 6:00 and I am trying to not awake.
I am goddamn angry that I am awake.
Sleep is a dream from which I am trying not to awake.
But with sleep come the dreams that I do not want.
Nightmares would be a relief.
These are daywolves that tear apart my contentment.
And they have the faces of my children.
I would love to love my children with the pure and simple joy with which I loved my young children.
Why the hell do my grown children have to be so difficult, so complicated, so not me?
Forgiveness is a dream for which I am trying to awake.
Enough. Not quite three minutes, but enough.
Back to sleep, perchance to dream.

The Harrowing of Hell Begins

I guess I wrote two poems today, same theme. I just found this, that I scribbled on a scrap of paper while sitting next to my mother, waiting in the pew for Mass to start:

For love He went
Where angels fear to tread
Invading that dark realm
Finding him first
That other one
Who died on a tree
When love died
Scattering hope
Like silver coins
Descending into hell
Where there is no love
Until Love descending
Found him and captured him
Again
Before the uprising

Easter Sunday

Love comes and goes
Lives and dies
Is born again
Do we call that
Faith
Or baptism
Or resurrection
Love dies again and again
And is born again
Until it isn’t
Do we call ourselves
Believers
Or lovers
Or fools

I think of him
Dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped too much
Who loved too little
He said
You kissed my dreams
But you betrayed them
So I kissed you
And betrayed you
When my love died
And then I found a tree
And hanged myself

But the other fool
After dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped enough
Who loved enough
Found him
And said
I came for you
I came for love
Come now
With me
Where there is no faith
Because all is seen
Where there is no hope
Because all is real
But love, oh love
Shining, holding, staying
Love
Is there
Rising forever
With Me

Psalm 150

[On Easter 2018]

Praise God! Creator, Savior, Spirit
Father, Mother, Brother
Wisdom, Teacher, Helper
Praise God in me
Praise God in Her universe
Praise God who has done wonderful things for me
Praise God because of Her surpassing greatness
Praise God with my singing words
Praise God with my dancing life
Praise God with my soothing faith
Praise God with my clanging doubts
Praise God with all the clashing, crashing reality
Of me
Because God made me, God saved me, God helps me
So let all of me, with that great cloud of witnesses
Praise God! Amen