God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble
Even when I don’t know it, can’t recognize it
Therefore, I do not have to fear, though my life changes and changes again
Though the mountain of my faith sinks in the tumultuous seas of my doubts
Though my doubts roar and foam into despair, though my faith trembles
Still, through my life the river of God’s grace flows fresh and sure
Whenever I let myself drown in it, I arise baptized again in gladness
Knowing I am destined for God’s own heaven
God is in the midst of my life and God will not let go of me
God’s help dawns ever new in my life
My world tumbles around me again and again
My sureness in my own self totters
I stumble, I fall, my own earth quakes, my doubts flood me
Then I remember, then I feel it again
God, God almighty, is with me
God, God is with me no less than with my ancestors
Because somehow, by some miracle
I am part of that great cloud of witnesses
So come and see me – me, a work of God
See how God desolates my terrible Ds*
See how God causes all those wars inside me to still to peace
See how God destroys all the weapons that destroy my peace
God commands my internal turmoil, “Be still!
Be still and know that I am God
Exalted among all people; exalted in all your life
Exalted and lifting you with Me above all your troubles
God, God of forever and everyone, God of power, is with me
God is with me no less than with my ancestors
Because somehow, by some miracle
I am part of that great cloud of witnesses. Amen.

*my terrible Ds: doubt, depression, despair, discouragement, dis-ease…

I will laugh, I will clap my hands, I will make noise enough for nations
God, hear my joy; God, know that I rejoice today, tonight in You
You are awesome; Sovereign of my world; Crusher of my doubts
Light to my darkness; Parent to my child; Giver to my needs
Lover to myself, my whole self, even the parts that I don’t love
Ha, God has blessed me and blessed me and blessed me
God is on top of my world; God is Conqueror of my troubles
God is Sovereign and God ENJOYS my singing! Ha! So there
I will sing and sing and sing to my Sovereign and God will smile
I sing because God is Sovereign, God is holy, God is all I need
From my lowest thoughts and troubles to my highest works and loves
From my worst to my best: God is Sovereign, God reigns over all
I belong to God – all of me; I don’t have to disown any of me
God loves me and God is greatly exalted. Amen and Hallelujah!

I begin with the end, for the sheer beauty and joy of it
“For this God is our God for ever and ever;
[S]he will be our guide even to the end.”
The psalmist gets there through imagery that is foreign to me
Zaphon, Mount Zion, Tarshish, the villages of Judah
These I do not know
But I know the praise, I know the assurance, I know the joy
The joy of having a Savior
The assurance that our God conquers evil
The praise of such unfailing might – on our side!
And so, I can echo the psalmist: God makes me secure forever
And then, and then, with the psalmist:
“Within your temple, O God,
We meditate on your unfailing love.
Like your name, O God,
Your praise reaches to the end of the earth;
Your right hand is filled with righteousness.”
I rejoice, I am glad, I tell of your wonders
And so, here I am, back at the end
This is my God forever and ever, my Guide to the end. Amen.

Ah, how many are my parts; “I contain multitudes”
The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly
The serene, the conflicted, the faithful, the doubt-filled
I want to choose wisdom and understanding
I want to depend on God’s wisdom, to sing my doubts away
So much competes for my attention, so many promises
Promises of happiness, wealth, health, success, nirvana even
I can get myself twisted in knots, trying to discern truth
Until, like jesting Pilate, I wash my hands of it all
Because nothing is worthwhile, nothing truly holds the secret
No practice, no philosophy, no promise, no purpose
Nothing redeems my life, nothing guarantees eternal life
My wisdom will count for nothing, my foolishness will be forgotten
My wealth will not buy life, my poverty will not guarantee goodness
Yoga will not give me youth; prayers will not earn me years
In the end, like all animals, I will die
Death is my shepherd
Wait – wait – Death WAS my shepherd but no longer has to be
“I am the shepherd,” said Jesus
My Christ, my God-Anointed, God-Appointed One
“I am the way, the truth, the life”
Can there be any other answer? Can wealth suffice? Happiness? Wisdom?
Do they last beyond death?
Ah, no, the psalmist reminds us
Humans like animals must die
Nothing accumulated on earth is permanent, all will pass away.
If we are to be more than animals, if we are to survive death
We must look beyond earth. Amen

God, my God, summons me, calls upon me to pay attention
Not just on Sunday, not just for a few minutes of prayer
But all day, every day, from dawn to dawn, God wants me
God wants me to recognize the beauty, the perfection
The perfect beauty of what She has to give
God speaks, but can I hear, even though God speaks mightily
God calls, but do I answer, even though God is my Judge
God asks, but how do I respond to God’s righteousness
What need does God have of my church-going, my prayer-recitals
What can I bring to God that God does not already have
God created the universe, God does not need anything from me
I, on the other hand, need everything from God
If I am to have any righteousness, any holiness, any salvation
Then it will only be as a gift from God, not from my efforts
My only duty is to recognize my helplessness, turn to God
With thanksgiving and praise
Then God will take care of those terrible Ds for me
God will cast them out as Jesus cast out devils
I will laugh and be free because God can do what I cannot
God knows the good and the bad, the worthy and the unworthy of me
God knows the struggle and the quiet, the faith and the doubt of me
God knows the gratitude and the envy, the generosity and the meanness of me
God knows it all and can take care of it all
So I will come, come as one of the faithful
With thanksgiving to honor God, my Lady Wisdom
God who clears my mind and heart of the terrible Ds
God who gives me a clear path to Her
God who saves me. Amen