Have mercy on me, Oh God, for my dark tendencies pursue me, all day long they try to undermine my peace
I am afraid that my own failures, my own harshness about others, my own pride will condemn me
What can I do except rely on You?
You, my God, whose Word I praise.
In You I can trust and not be afraid.
What can even I do that You cannot forgive and overcome?
You know how I struggle, how I feel attacked, betrayed, harmed
Trapped by my own darkness and doubt
I fear for my eternal life
Please, please, help me, save me
Don’t let me disappear into my own darkness
What do I have to offer You except my tears
(not even blood, toil and sweat – just tears)
My dark enemies will vanish in Your light
You, my God, whose Word I praise
You, my God, whose Word I praise
In You I can trust and not be afraid
What can even I do that You cannot forgive and overcome
I want to be faithful to You, God
I want to live thankfully not fearfully
I want to remember that You have delivered me from death
You keep me from stumbling into pits of my own making
So that I walk before You in the Light of Your Eternal Life. Amen.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy
For in You my soul takes refuge
I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings when disaster threatens
I cry out to You, God most high, help me live Your purpose for me
You came from heaven to save me, saving me from my terrible Ds
You – in infinite love and never-failing faithfulness
I feel like I am in the midst of ravenous lions – and that’s when I am alone
My peace of mind is shattered as if by spears and arrows
My own tongue can be like a sharp sword
What a contrast my moaning and troubles are to Your exalted place of peace
O God, Lady Wisdom, above the heavens
Your glory is wide enough to cover me, to hide me
Yet I feel trapped in a net of my own making
Bowed down by my faults, sinking into a pit of doubt and despair
Please give me a steadfast heart, O God,
Let me sing and make music with a light heart
Awake, oh my soul, awake, sweet music of my soul
Awake to dawning Light
God of Light, I want to praise You all my days: days that You have blessed
For great is Your love, reaching beyond heaven and earth
Beyond life and death, beyond right and wrong
Great is Your faithfulness, staying beyond my doubts
So You are exalted, O God, Lady Wisdom, above the heavens
Your glory wide enough to cover me. Amen.

I know, God, that there is little justice in my judgments
Pettiness, spite, envy, narrow-mindedness, fear
Misunderstanding, hurt, anger, simple tiredness
Too often these are the enemies of fairness and love
Too often my judgments of others, and myself, are like a snake’s venom
Like a lion’s ripping teeth
Please, God, wash away these unjust and unworthy judgments
Blunt them, crush, them, still them
Sweep them away in the flood of Your righteousness
Then I can be glad in Your salvation of all, Your love for all, even me
Then again I will testify all my days
Surely there is a God who judges the earth and saves us all. Amen.

Ah, again, God, please – You know well what I need
I am weak but You are strong; I am child but You are God
So deliver me already, bring me back to You
Defend me from my own darkness
The darkness that wants to eat my life, swallow my faith
Always, always, it lies in wait, just beyond my last prayer
When I choose mindless entertainment over thoughtful peace
When I wander in my purpose, my thoughts, my life
When I lie in bed, sleepless at night, reluctant to wake in the morning
When those dark and dangerous Ds overwhelm me
When I feel sorry for myself – what have I done to deserve this?
Don’t I get easy happiness? Don’t I get lasting peace?
Don’t I get to love and be loved?
You are God, aren’t You?
Mighty God of Sarah and Ruth, Esther and Mary
So rouse Yourself and do – again – for me what I cannot do for myself
Night after night, day after day, I feel attacked and deserted
My thoughts taste sour; my feelings sting like nettles
I give up
But You, You never give up. You, You, if I could only remember
Remember to watch for You, go to You
Where is my strength, where is my resolve, where is my memory
Gone, all gone
God, God, God, please, please, please, come
Defeat my darkness with Your light
But let me remember the darkness so that I may know
Know that my only safety is hiding in You
Destroy my lies, destroy my pity, destroy my doubts, destroy my pride
Destroy my despair, destroy my anger, destroy my aloneness
Let me know, now and forever, that You rule over my life
Ah, but I will forget, won’t I? I will descend, again, to the tomb
I will wallow, I will sludge, I will drown, I will moan
And You will have to rescue me again
Once and for all, Hebrews says. You did it once and for all
But for me it is one more time, again and again
After my night, comes Your dawn
You open my eyes to see Your light again
You open my mouth to sing Your song again
You open my life to live Your grace again
You are my strength, I sing praise to You
You are my God, my fortress and my Wisdom Woman
You are God, on You I rely.
Amen.

Old images speak to me of God being elsewhere – anywhere but with me
I may not know the geography, but I know the feeling
I thought You would win all my battles for me, God
Forever, once and for all
I thought You would conquer my enemies, banish them
So that I would be at peace always, living in Your sight, Your light
But, no, oh no, instead I am left to wonder where You have gone
Why You leave me to the merciless mercy of my demons and darkness
Come on, God, if You’re angry with me, get over it
You haven’t given up on me, have You?
Left me to desperation, to drown my sorrows, to truthquakes and night terrors
Save me, help me, let me revel in the light of Your love for me and mine for You
Let me live in landscapes shaped by Your might, Your right, Your love, Your salvation
If not You, then who? If not in Your presence, then where? If not by Your strength and righteousness, then how?
Answer me, I beg You for I am worthless in this battle; alone, I am already defeated
But with You, with You, I will claim victory
I will plant Your peace when You trample the weeds of my mind. Amen