From Where Such Sparkles

[If Christmas does not happen in this house this year, I shall blame it on the delicious prompts from Two Sylvias Press.]

The slight curve of the street makes it hard to park the car
just right, close but not too close, to the curb
so mom can step into the street.
With effort she pushes the car door open
just enough
so she can hold the open door for support
as she waits, more or less patiently,
for me to get her walker from the back seat
unfold it and place it just so
on the sidewalk
so she can maneuver that intimidating
step up from curb to wide walkway.

But first I grab the handful of mail
from our dented black mailbox
sitting slightly askew on its single leg
dented and askew because mom
a few years ago when she still drove
backed her car into it
when she still drove.

We make our so slow way
up the short straight concrete path
recently widened by my husband
to the three broad steps of the small porch.

Mostly mom is a treat to watch
as she has figured out how to safely
climb the three railed stairs
with the walker.

Mostly, usually, but not always
so I stand behind
ready to right any wrong.

Then the difficulty of maneuvering
on the small porch
around mom’s not insubstantial self
with walker
standing stolidly unaware.

My hands full
because I collected the mail
even though I already have a grocery bag
and my purse
and mom’s sweater
why do I never remember
the small porch challenge
of walker and woman
storm door opening out
wooden door opening in
at least I left it unlocked.

Forever and a day or longer
to cross the threshold
walk the short hall
turn into her bedroom
settle her in her recliner
park the walker
find the remote
and the phone
answer her insistence
to see right now
the groceries
if any mail is for her.

Finally, gratefully
I stand at my kitchen counter
to sort mail
knowing most will go
to the recycle bin under the sink
bills, ads, pleas for money
sometimes with a calendar or address labels
cheap socks or cheaper gloves
I like the occasional one with a reusable bag
but even then I never give in response.

Today includes the small state supplement check
the one I always forget about
though it comes faithfully every month
and is part of my budget plan
but still feels like a bonus, a gift, a treat
every month.

I set aside the utility bill,
put the check in my purse,
throw everything else in the recycle bin.

almost everything else

I hold one small white envelope with two hands
turn it over and over
as if revolutions will yield revelations.

It looks like it should hold a card
but it is too yielding for a card
it feels like it holds nothing.

No return address
local postmark
handwritten address
to me, only me.
The handwriting reminds me of my late husband
15 years dead
old-fashioned, mixing cursive and print
the 4 scribed like a typed 4, with enclosed top
written with a black marker pen
Just like he used to do.

Just like him.
The name on the envelope
on all my mail
half mine, half his
first half mine alone
second half the one I took
when I married him
the one I kept
when I married again
last year.

Though I open the envelope carefully
the dusty sparkles surge out
float slowly to the floor
enliven the air around me
a few even come to rest on my hands.

That’s all, nothing else
for the rest of the day
sparkling dust clings to my hands
sparkling dust resists being swept from the floor
sparkling dust rises, occasionally, into the air around me
as I tend to mom’s long slow needs.

The Pusuit of Happiness

To know what makes you happy
is insight.
To not know what makes you happy
is sadness.

To want what makes you happy
is hope.
To not want what makes you happy
is troubling.

To be able to do what makes you happy
is privilege.
To not be able to do what makes you happy
is hard.

To know what makes you happy,
to want what makes you happy,
to be able to do what makes you happy,
but never have the energy to do it
is depression.

Good Friday

A strange name
For the memorial
Of a death

A horrible death
Preceded by humiliation
And torture

The death of an innocent
God’s idiot savant

Remembered
Celebrated
On Good Friday

O good!
He died for us

O good!
God loves us

O good!
We are saved

O good Jesus
On Good Friday

O good God!

Finding God

When I was young
I searched for God
In church
In catechisms
In rosaries and holy water
In Latin and liturgy.

When I was older
I thought I found God
In yoga
In philosophies
In wildernesses
In mystics and mysteries.

Now
I am content to see God
In my backyard
As I look out the kitchen window
While I wash dishes
In warm water.

Based on Readings for 17 November 2018

From 3 John 5-8
Beloved, let us be faithful in all we do for our sisters and brothers,
especially for the abused, the silenced, the outcast,
And those who are strangers in a strange land;
that they may experience our love.
Please help them in a way worthy of God to continue their journey.
For they have set out for the sake of the Name
Of our God of Justice and Wisdom
and are receiving nothing from the abusers and deceivers,
From the arrogant and privileged.
Therefore, we ought to support such persons,
so that we may be co-workers in the truth of our God of love.

From Luke 18: 1-8
Jesus told his disciples a parable
about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary.
Jesus said, “There was a judge in a certain town
who neither feared God nor respected any human being.
And a widow in that town used to come to him and say,
‘Render a just decision for me against my adversary.’
For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought,
‘While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being,
because this widow keeps bothering me
I shall deliver a just decision for her
lest she finally come and strike me.'”

What might we learn from this parable?
Here’s how we can understand
What God’s chosen one said about this parable:
Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says.
If even a dishonest judge yields to persistent demands for justice,
How much more surely and swiftly
Will God secure the rights of Her loved ones
Who have been abused, silenced, cast out and denied justice.
The injustices done to them call out to God day and night.
Will God not answer them?
I tell you, God will see to it that justice is done for them surely.
But when God looks to us,
Will She find that we were persistent
In our faith and cooperation with those who seek justice here on earth?”