Let me praise God
With every breath
As long as I live
Let me praise God all my life long
I want wisdom not more knowledge
I want sure help not false hope
I want healing not bandaids
All my knowledge, all my schemes
All my best efforts
Will die with me
My happiness, my help, my hope
Must be God
Immortal, almighty
Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer
Lady Wisdom
Faithful to me, She lifts my spirit
Loving me, She feeds my hope
God frees me
God’s light banishes my darkness
God’s steadfast love makes me whole
She comforts me, protects me
She, only She, destroys my enemies, those terrible Ds
Let God reign in my heart forever
My God for all my life long
Praise God! Amen.
Author: vabutsy
New Love
Version 1
Even the twilight remnant of my youth has faded into old age
Yet still this night has a full moon’s light of shiny new lust
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my husband
Into my dark passage
Night, usually night, brings creaking, bump and grinding, laughing
Love making
Night, usually night, brings whispering, stroking, pressing, resting
Love stretching
Night, usually night, brings touching, turning, snoring, sleeping
Love trusting
Then day comes
And we are old again
(Yet still, even in the old sun’s unkind light,
Giggling, touching, dancing, preening, silly
With new love)
Version 2
Even the twilight remnant of our youth has faded
Yet still
In the young moon’s flattering light, shiny new lust
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my husband
Into my dark passage
Night, usually night, brings creaking, bump and grinding, laughing
Night, usually night, brings whispering, stroking, pressing, resting
Night, usually night, brings touching, turning, snoring, sleeping
Then day comes
And we are old again
Yet still,
In the old sun’s unkind light, shiny new love
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my heart
Into my husband’s dark hollow
Day, usually day, brings giggling, touching, talking, preening
Day, usually day, brings working, lazing, coming, going
Day, usually day, brings smiling, knowing, speaking, feeling
New love
Psalm 149
Praise God! Can I yet find a new song of praise
Here at the end of my psalm journey
To be glad of my Creator
To rejoice in my Sovereign Lady Wisdom
To sing and dance, even if only inside myself,
For the sheer joy of living with God
God who is pleased with me, all of me
God who gives me victory over pride
Let me continue to try to be faithful
Let me continue, at least occasionally, to sing for joy
Let me praise God and rely on God
Let God be my two-edged sword
To sever my ties to those terrible Ds
Let God be my savior
To imprison my discouragement and doubt
Let God be my light
To banish my shadows of depression and deceit
Praise God! Amen
Creation
In the beginning, she wasn’t sure.
Maybe it was nothing.
Maybe it was just gas, the taco she had for dinner last night.
She lay there, waiting and there was nothing. It was nothing.
And she drifted almost to sleep.
But again that rolling not quite hurting pain.
A hardening, separating from the familiar softness.
And there was the hardening almost pain and the soft not pain, the first act.
And she said, “I think we had better get up.”
And so they got up. And her waters broke.
So she called out. Because she knew they should hurry now.
Call the doctor, give words to what was happening.
And there was some pain and the not pain, the second act.
And she said, “I need towels to sop up the water.”
She paid attention to the passage of time. How long between?
She gathered together every good thing that was necessary, that she had prepared.
And there was more pain and the not pain, the third act.
And she said, “We should go now, to the hospital.”
In the car, she prepared herself.
But still, in the hospital, it was more than she remembered.
There was the paperwork and the wheelchair.
There was the lying down and the light overhead.
And now the pain, when it came, caught up her breath and clenched her ribs, the fourth act.
And she said, “Go away, go away, go away or make it stop.”
Because there were people.
Good people, kind people, knowledgeable people, but so many people.
People pressing in while pain pressed out, the fifth act.
And she screamed, “Let me push!”
Now there was no not-pain. Now there was need for concentration.
First the effort of no effort, until the command, until the release.
Then she pushed. She breathed and pushed. She focused and pushed.
She squeezed out tears and she pushed out a baby.
And she smiled and said, “She looks like my grandmother, a little old wrinkled lady.”
And she saw that she was good.
She blessed her, and she said to her, “Be strong and gentle, fill your heart with care for this world.”
She said, “See, see my breast, here is your food, your strength. Latch on, my love.”
And it was so.
Woman saw everything that she had made, and indeed, it was very good.
And there was evening and there was morning, the birth day.
Genesis 1
Between Words
I cannot remember how to think without words
The family mythology is that one evening
Before I was 4 years old
My dad noticed that I could read the newspaper.
I do not remember how to be without words
I live inside words
And yet
In the spaces between words
The spaces that I try to fill with
Unspoken but not unthought words
In those spaces
Lives the feel of Woody’s beard
The shape of Andi’s womb
The drag of my mother’s cane
The smell of farting dog
The heaviness of wet laundry
All the life I love
But I do not know how to live there.
Three Minutes of Thoughts
“History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.” James Joyce
[A bit of an explanation: Rebecca’s workshop challenge today was to think about the James Joyce quote for a few seconds, set a timer for 3 minutes and then just write whatever came, for those three minutes.]
But it is not even 6:00 and I am trying to not awake.
I am goddamn angry that I am awake.
Sleep is a dream from which I am trying not to awake.
But with sleep come the dreams that I do not want.
Nightmares would be a relief.
These are daywolves that tear apart my contentment.
And they have the faces of my children.
I would love to love my children with the pure and simple joy with which I loved my young children.
Why the hell do my grown children have to be so difficult, so complicated, so not me?
Forgiveness is a dream for which I am trying to awake.
Enough. Not quite three minutes, but enough.
Back to sleep, perchance to dream.
The Harrowing of Hell Begins
I guess I wrote two poems today, same theme. I just found this, that I scribbled on a scrap of paper while sitting next to my mother, waiting in the pew for Mass to start:
For love He went
Where angels fear to tread
Invading that dark realm
Finding him first
That other one
Who died on a tree
When love died
Scattering hope
Like silver coins
Descending into hell
Where there is no love
Until Love descending
Found him and captured him
Again
Before the uprising
Easter Sunday
Love comes and goes
Lives and dies
Is born again
Do we call that
Faith
Or baptism
Or resurrection
Love dies again and again
And is born again
Until it isn’t
Do we call ourselves
Believers
Or lovers
Or fools
I think of him
Dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped too much
Who loved too little
He said
You kissed my dreams
But you betrayed them
So I kissed you
And betrayed you
When my love died
And then I found a tree
And hanged myself
But the other fool
After dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped enough
Who loved enough
Found him
And said
I came for you
I came for love
Come now
With me
Where there is no faith
Because all is seen
Where there is no hope
Because all is real
But love, oh love
Shining, holding, staying
Love
Is there
Rising forever
With Me
Psalm 150
[On Easter 2018]
Praise God! Creator, Savior, Spirit
Father, Mother, Brother
Wisdom, Teacher, Helper
Praise God in me
Praise God in Her universe
Praise God who has done wonderful things for me
Praise God because of Her surpassing greatness
Praise God with my singing words
Praise God with my dancing life
Praise God with my soothing faith
Praise God with my clanging doubts
Praise God with all the clashing, crashing reality
Of me
Because God made me, God saved me, God helps me
So let all of me, with that great cloud of witnesses
Praise God! Amen
What I Heard When I Prayed
I do not promise healing now
Only holding (whether you feel it or not)
I do not promise knowledge now
Only wisdom (sometimes)
I do not promise success now
Only contentment (sometimes)
I do not promise power now
Only purpose (sometimes)
I do not ask for greatness now
Only gratitude
I do not ask for achievement now
Only effort
I do not ask for riches now
Only generosity
I do not even ask for faithfulness
For I am faithful (always)
With enduring faithfulness
I am loving (always)
With ceaseless loving
I am salvation (always)
Once and for all
So you can
Live
As best you can
Knowing
I am power in weakness
I am success in failure
I am knowledge in ignorance
I am healing in sickness
Soon and forever
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