Creator/Redeemer/Sustainer God, You, You – I keep returning to You
Before I was, before anyone or anything was
You are
From everlasting to everlasting, You are God
In Your time, You will end my life
All my life and more is now to You
Compared to Your eternity, Your Is-ness
My life is grass, growing quickly
Withering just as quickly
I grew up fearing Your anger, Your wrath
Your hate of my sins
Your knowledge of all my secrets and my faults
The psalmist says our life is seventy years
Or perhaps eighty if we are strong
And those years will be spent “under Your wrath”
They will come to an end with a sigh
And in the meantime we will know only toil and trouble
I will soon be seventy
Have I feared You enough?
What does that even mean?
How do I fear You and still know my sure salvation in You?
Where is my wise heart?
Did I understand Your steadfast love in the morning of my life?
Can I find joy now in Your enduring faithfulness for all my days?
With gladness I turn over to You the burden of my faults, my failures
With gladness I admit defeat and rely on Your glorious power
Let the favor of Lady Wisdom, my God, be upon me
And quiet my tumult, preserve my peace
O please, quiet my tumult, preserve my peace. Amen
Author: vabutsy
Sparks of thoughts
Bright trails of burning sparklers
The years behind
How many ahead
Do years bring
[wisdom, forgiveness, charity, gratitude]
Do years soften or harden
[hearts, minds, arteries, beliefs, bodies, souls]
I do not suffer fools gladly
And sometimes I think
Most people are fools
And sometimes I think
I am the biggest fool of all
Aftermath II
The wind is stilled
The earth is quiet
The fire is quenched
I hear the whispered questions
Who will love justice
Who will carry the burden of injustice
Who will know their own failings
Who will walk on troubled waters
Who will reach for My hand
When sinking with the weight of sin
With the exhaustion of trying
With the failure of understanding
Let me recognize
My privilege
My prejudice
My racism
My failures in love
Let me grasp God’s steadfast love for all
And enduring faithfulness to me. Amen
Aftermath: Charlottesville, 14 August 2017
Sunday’s Old Testament reading was beautiful: from 1 Kings, chapter 19
Then the word of the LORD came to him, saying, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He answered, “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are seeking my life, to take it away.” He said, “Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Then there came a voice to him that said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He answered, “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are seeking my life, to take it away.” Then the LORD said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus…
Ah, if only it were that simple.
God came to me, saying, “What are you doing here, Adrienne?” And I answered, “I have been very zealous for justice, for peace, God, but some have forsaken our covenants, our laws, our constitution, they seek to throw down equal rights and kill people. I am old now and I do not know what You want of me.” And God said, “Go out and stand on the front again, for right is confronting wrong, good is facing evil.” Now there was a great confusion, so strong that it was splitting groups and breaking people, and I don’t know if God was in the confusion. And after the confusion there was violence and I don’t know if God was in the violence. And after the violence there was injury and death, and I pray that God was there. But I was not. I was home, in my safe cave, praying. And there came a voice to me that said, “What are you doing here, Adrienne?” And I answered, “I don’t know, oh God, I don’t know anymore, if I ever did. God, I am not worthy, but only say Your Word and my soul will be healed.”
Sunday’s Gospel reading was powerful: from Matthew 14
Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land,[d] for the wind was against them. And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Ah, if only it were that simple.
Where do You want me, God? In the boat, struggling to keep it afloat through the daily turbulence? Walking with You on the stormy seas, braving the dangers and the depths of our depravity to each other? Will You save me when I sink, when my faith fails me?
It seems, for me, youth was the age of many questions and ready answers. Old age is the age of many questions and no answers.
Ah, but didn’t I decide 14 years ago that I did not pray for answers but rather prayer is the answer?
Amen. Shalom. Alleluia. In faith and hope and love
Love for Your Sake Alone
“…give me the strength that waits upon You in silence and peace.
Give me humility in which alone is rest,
and deliver me from pride which is the heaviest of burdens.
And possess my whole heart and soul with the simplicity of love.
Occupy my whole life with the one thought and the one desire of love,
that I may love not for the sake of merit, not for the sake of perfection,
not for the sake of virtue, not for the sake of sanctity,
but for You alone.”
Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation
Some Thoughts on Positive Psychology
As I read about positive psychology*, both the academic and the pop versions, I began to think about the Psalms and how the psalmist turns to God to banish the negative – be it doubts or enemies. And I began to think about what positive psychology should not be and what the psalms can be.
What positive psychology should NOT be for a Christian:
• Needing to be happy always
• Denying the reality of sin and suffering
• Inflating your own credit for everything good that happens
• Withdrawing from the difficulties of life
• Expecting to make ourselves happy in this life without God
• Being sure that we’ve got the answers, that we’re getting things right
Rather, positive psychology should, perhaps, be about recalling that God is the great, unbeatable Positive, defeating all negatives. And so Christian positive psychology is, perhaps, already alive and well in Ignatian spirituality – in the ability to find God in all things.
Five ways to find God in all things (http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/15139/5-ways-to-find-god-in-all-things/)
1. Micro-awareness
2. Journal
3. Do something the “old fashioned” way
4. Listen
5. Say “God is here” (the next time something negative happens to you)
*Martin Seligman https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/people/martin-ep-seligman;
The Pursuit of Happiness http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/
Give Peace a Chance
Once I sang in a crowd
Protesting
All we are saying is give peace a chance
Now I pray in private
Protesting
All I am praying is give peace a chance
A Prayer for Help
“It is so easy for good people to confuse their own work with the work of creation. It is so easy to come to believe that what we do is so much more important than what we are. It is so easy to simply get too busy to grow. It is so easy to commit ourselves to this century’s demand for product and action until the product consumes us and the actions exhaust us, and we can no longer even remember why we set out to do them in the first place.” Joan Chittister
Creator God, help me, please,
To remember
That I am Your child.
Lady Wisdom, help me, please,
To know
That I am an echo of my Creator
And I am more important than what I do.
Redeemer, help me, please,
Do not let me be
too busy to grow,
consumed by products
exhausted by actions.
Amen
Genesis 1
“…the true ‘I’ remains both inarticulate and invisible, because it has altogether too much to say — not one word of which is about itself.”
“He is the I AM before whom with our most personal and inalienable voice we echo ‘I am.'”
Thomas Merton
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And nothingness shatters into somethingness
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And darkness yields to light
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And skies envelope worlds
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And seas wash shores
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And life begets life
The Divine shouts “I AM”
And the echo returns
Whispering “You are my God”
Psalm 81
I have reason to rejoice
To sing praises to God
To live joyfully
To celebrate
I have reason to rejoice
If only I can remember
That God has saved me
If only I remember to listen
For Her voice, Her reassurance
God relieves me, frees me
Answers me, rescues me
But also tests me and fusses at me
Wants me to listen and to obey
To obey – there’s the problem
Sometimes I forget
Sometimes I can’t figure out how
Sometimes I don’t want to
Sometimes I lack the courage
Sometimes I don’t believe
Sometimes I just ignore Her
I let it, let God, slip away
Until I once again feel overwhelmed
Lost, angry, sad, tired, defeated
Sometimes that’s what it takes
For me to turn again to God
And let Her feed my hungry spirit
Fill my empty bitterness
With sweet faith. Amen
