Praise God! Can I yet find a new song of praise
Here at the end of my psalm journey
To be glad of my Creator
To rejoice in my Sovereign Lady Wisdom
To sing and dance, even if only inside myself,
For the sheer joy of living with God
God who is pleased with me, all of me
God who gives me victory over pride
Let me continue to try to be faithful
Let me continue, at least occasionally, to sing for joy
Let me praise God and rely on God
Let God be my two-edged sword
To sever my ties to those terrible Ds
Let God be my savior
To imprison my discouragement and doubt
Let God be my light
To banish my shadows of depression and deceit
Praise God! Amen
Creation
In the beginning, she wasn’t sure.
Maybe it was nothing.
Maybe it was just gas, the taco she had for dinner last night.
She lay there, waiting and there was nothing. It was nothing.
And she drifted almost to sleep.
But again that rolling not quite hurting pain.
A hardening, separating from the familiar softness.
And there was the hardening almost pain and the soft not pain, the first act.
And she said, “I think we had better get up.”
And so they got up. And her waters broke.
So she called out. Because she knew they should hurry now.
Call the doctor, give words to what was happening.
And there was some pain and the not pain, the second act.
And she said, “I need towels to sop up the water.”
She paid attention to the passage of time. How long between?
She gathered together every good thing that was necessary, that she had prepared.
And there was more pain and the not pain, the third act.
And she said, “We should go now, to the hospital.”
In the car, she prepared herself.
But still, in the hospital, it was more than she remembered.
There was the paperwork and the wheelchair.
There was the lying down and the light overhead.
And now the pain, when it came, caught up her breath and clenched her ribs, the fourth act.
And she said, “Go away, go away, go away or make it stop.”
Because there were people.
Good people, kind people, knowledgeable people, but so many people.
People pressing in while pain pressed out, the fifth act.
And she screamed, “Let me push!”
Now there was no not-pain. Now there was need for concentration.
First the effort of no effort, until the command, until the release.
Then she pushed. She breathed and pushed. She focused and pushed.
She squeezed out tears and she pushed out a baby.
And she smiled and said, “She looks like my grandmother, a little old wrinkled lady.”
And she saw that she was good.
She blessed her, and she said to her, “Be strong and gentle, fill your heart with care for this world.”
She said, “See, see my breast, here is your food, your strength. Latch on, my love.”
And it was so.
Woman saw everything that she had made, and indeed, it was very good.
And there was evening and there was morning, the birth day.
Genesis 1
Between Words
I cannot remember how to think without words
The family mythology is that one evening
Before I was 4 years old
My dad noticed that I could read the newspaper.
I do not remember how to be without words
I live inside words
And yet
In the spaces between words
The spaces that I try to fill with
Unspoken but not unthought words
In those spaces
Lives the feel of Woody’s beard
The shape of Andi’s womb
The drag of my mother’s cane
The smell of farting dog
The heaviness of wet laundry
All the life I love
But I do not know how to live there.
Three Minutes of Thoughts
“History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.” James Joyce
[A bit of an explanation: Rebecca’s workshop challenge today was to think about the James Joyce quote for a few seconds, set a timer for 3 minutes and then just write whatever came, for those three minutes.]
But it is not even 6:00 and I am trying to not awake.
I am goddamn angry that I am awake.
Sleep is a dream from which I am trying not to awake.
But with sleep come the dreams that I do not want.
Nightmares would be a relief.
These are daywolves that tear apart my contentment.
And they have the faces of my children.
I would love to love my children with the pure and simple joy with which I loved my young children.
Why the hell do my grown children have to be so difficult, so complicated, so not me?
Forgiveness is a dream for which I am trying to awake.
Enough. Not quite three minutes, but enough.
Back to sleep, perchance to dream.
The Harrowing of Hell Begins
I guess I wrote two poems today, same theme. I just found this, that I scribbled on a scrap of paper while sitting next to my mother, waiting in the pew for Mass to start:
For love He went
Where angels fear to tread
Invading that dark realm
Finding him first
That other one
Who died on a tree
When love died
Scattering hope
Like silver coins
Descending into hell
Where there is no love
Until Love descending
Found him and captured him
Again
Before the uprising
Easter Sunday
Love comes and goes
Lives and dies
Is born again
Do we call that
Faith
Or baptism
Or resurrection
Love dies again and again
And is born again
Until it isn’t
Do we call ourselves
Believers
Or lovers
Or fools
I think of him
Dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped too much
Who loved too little
He said
You kissed my dreams
But you betrayed them
So I kissed you
And betrayed you
When my love died
And then I found a tree
And hanged myself
But the other fool
After dying on a tree
The fool
Who hoped enough
Who loved enough
Found him
And said
I came for you
I came for love
Come now
With me
Where there is no faith
Because all is seen
Where there is no hope
Because all is real
But love, oh love
Shining, holding, staying
Love
Is there
Rising forever
With Me
Psalm 150
[On Easter 2018]
Praise God! Creator, Savior, Spirit
Father, Mother, Brother
Wisdom, Teacher, Helper
Praise God in me
Praise God in Her universe
Praise God who has done wonderful things for me
Praise God because of Her surpassing greatness
Praise God with my singing words
Praise God with my dancing life
Praise God with my soothing faith
Praise God with my clanging doubts
Praise God with all the clashing, crashing reality
Of me
Because God made me, God saved me, God helps me
So let all of me, with that great cloud of witnesses
Praise God! Amen
What I Heard When I Prayed
I do not promise healing now
Only holding (whether you feel it or not)
I do not promise knowledge now
Only wisdom (sometimes)
I do not promise success now
Only contentment (sometimes)
I do not promise power now
Only purpose (sometimes)
I do not ask for greatness now
Only gratitude
I do not ask for achievement now
Only effort
I do not ask for riches now
Only generosity
I do not even ask for faithfulness
For I am faithful (always)
With enduring faithfulness
I am loving (always)
With ceaseless loving
I am salvation (always)
Once and for all
So you can
Live
As best you can
Knowing
I am power in weakness
I am success in failure
I am knowledge in ignorance
I am healing in sickness
Soon and forever
Passion (Palm) Sunday, March 25, 2018
Happy are those
Who do not follow the advice of the wicked
Or take the path that sinners tread
Or sit in the seat of scoffers
In the beginning
I held high a palm
[Am I doing it right?
My arm is getting tired.]
In springtime cool weather
A proud child
Celebrating Palm Sunday
With others
I sang and swayed
Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
As we processed
Into church
Celebrating
Palm Sunday
Decades of life later
I held high a sign
[Hell no, we won’t go
Bring our boys home]
In springtime cool weather
An angry college student
Protesting war
With my friends
I sang and swayed
We shall not,
We shall not be moved
As we were
Carried off to jail
Protesting
War
Decades of life later
I held high a sign
[They called B.S.
We betta listen]
In springtime cool weather
A retired professor
Protesting gun violence
With thousands
I sang and swayed
We shall not,
We shall not be moved
As we moved ourselves
Marching for our lives
Protesting
Gun violence
One morning later
I held high a palm
[Jesus silent before Pilate
Emma silent before crowds]
In springtime cool weather
An uncertain Catholic
Celebrating Passion Sunday
With other worshippers
I sang and swayed
Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
As we processed
Into church
Celebrating
Passion Sunday
Signs raised in protest
Palms raised in hope
Echoes reverberate
Growing stronger
We shall not,
We shall not be moved
We shall not,
We shall not be moved
Like a tree planted by the waters
Which yield their fruit in its season
And their leaves do not wither
We shall not be moved
The wicked are not so
But are like chaff that the wind drives away…
For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous
But the way of the wicked shall perish
Psalm 141
O God, please hear me and help me
Let these prayers be my incense and sacrifice
Pleasing to You
Guard my thoughts and words
Guard my heart and actions
Give me patience and understanding
Give me generosity and wisdom
Do not let me turn from You
Do not let me become preoccupied
With my problems or my achievements
Let Your Word guide and correct me
Never let my own worst tendencies win
I pray, I pray, I pray always, please
Shatter my terrible Ds
Break apart my discouragement and doubt
Let me turn – metanoia – again and again to You
Be my refuge, my defense
Keep me from my own traps and snares
Ensnare my worst, that my best may escape
To live freely in and with You. Amen

