Psalm 44

I remember, or try to remember, what You have already done for me, God
How many times You lifted me up out of depression, despair, doubt
Lifted me to the peace of dry land above the floods of my anguish
How many times You freed me from my guilt and discouragement
I didn’t win through by my own marvelous intellect or serene self-confidence or glowing health
You won through for me
It was Your light that dispelled my darkness
Your face that was the day sun driving down the deep night
Help me, help me, help me again, now and always, today and tomorrow
And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,
To remember that You are my Sovereign and my God
Through You, in Your name, I live well
Not necessarily happily but well
No human philosophies, no latest remedies can save me
Only You, Only You, Only You
I will give thanks to Your name forever
I have been feeling abandoned, as though You rejected me
Refused to fight my enemies, gave up on me
Left me in darkness and despair, scattered and shattered my peace
So I disappoint myself and others
All day long my disgrace is before me and shame covers my face
I hide in my bed, on my sofa, in my electronic world
What did I do, what did I fail to do, how am I at fault
Did I decide to turn from You? I don’t think so.
Did I reject You, doubt You
(well, yes, OK, I doubted, but that is nothing new)
Come on, God, You know me
It’s not like my doubts and failings are news to You
So, please, please, please, rouse Yourself. Wake up
Take me back, let Your face be my sun again
Don’t forget me, don’t let me sink into the dust of my Ds
Rise up, come to my help
Redeem me, yet again and always, for the sake of Your steadfast love
Amen and Thank You

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