Psalm 139

O God, You know me, my work and my play

You know my best and my worst

My most secret and my most public

You know all my ways

You know my thoughts before I speak them, even to myself

You are here, with me, through my whole life

I don’t understand it, I don’t even always believe it

But there it is

I can’t hide from You

Whether I am elated or depressed

Whether I am confident or dismayed

Whether I am filled with faith or doubt

Even when I decide You don’t exist

You lead me, You love me, You hold me fast

Even when I am sure my life will be darkness forever

Even then, I am not darkness to You

I am still bright with Your love and faithfulness

It is just that I close my eyes to You

And then think that only darkness exists

But You have been with me from my very beginning

Because of You “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”

Because You are good and I am made in Your image

I cannot make sense of eternity

I cannot understand how You know my future

And yet I have free will

I could drive myself crazy trying to figure that one out

And in the end, I come back to the wonderful mystery of You

O that You would take care of my troubles once and for all, God

You redeemed me, You saved me, once and for all

Yet still I struggle, still I try – and fail – to be good, to do good

Go ahead, God, and search me

Root out all the parts of me that cause me pain, that disappoint You

Lead me in Your truth and love, in Your everlasting way. Amen

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