Psalm 143

Would You please listen and answer me, God
I am trying to believe in Your faithfulness
That only in You is righteousness
I hope You are not judging me
Because right now I feel like I would not fare well
I’m tired, I’m sick and tired, and I’m angry
Here I am in darkness and doubt again
Feeling crushed, feeling pursued by my own failings
And feeling unheard
I have this appalling feeling that there is no one to hear me
I remember those times when I am sure of You
When I don’t doubt Your reality
When I find peace and pleasure just in praying
In writing these psalms, in preparing Sunday School
In reading about You
But right now, all I feel is dried up and parched, again
I try to find You, but all I find is emptiness
Come on, God, I am tired of being polite
I am tired of being here again and again
I am tired of worrying again about Your existence
Tired of wondering if I am a fool
I can’t find You, I can’t hear You
Can’t believe in Your steadfast love
I want to trust You, trust in You
But if You hide from me, how can I
How can I even pray for You to save me
When I can’t even feel Your existence
Come on, God, come on, show up
If You are my God, then be my God
Act like it, show me how to be Yours
Lead me in Your goodness
Save me, save me, save me
Get rid of these troubling thoughts and feelings
If Your love for me is steadfast
Then why won’t You end my struggles
Why won’t You let me live quietly
Quietly and surely as Your own. Amen

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