No Thank You

I fear heaven
“We shall not all die
But we shall all be changed”
We are promised

Happy always…No sin
Blissful always…No troubles
Joyous always…No disappointments
Peaceful always…No vexations

Wait…no vexations?
You mean to tell me
I won’t worry any more?
No more strategizing how 
To help my husband maneuver stairs
With his bad knee
No more holding Carol, helpless
As she cries for her dying ex-husband
No more catching the doctor’s eye
To shake my head as her patient
My mom
Exaggerates a minor problem
Then catch myself and wonder
Why do I think I have to correct
When she has been my mother’s doctor
For more than 20 years

No more of my daily concerns
No more grocery shopping
And coming home to realize
I went out for 3 things
Came home with 12
And forgot one of the 3 things
I went for

Just happiness and bliss
Joy and peace

I am sure some entity
Divine no doubt
Will be eternally happy there

I am also sure it will not be
Anything resembling this me
That I hold on to
Perhaps too closely

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