Orans





I want no cathedral
In my head or soul
Unless it be
The cathedral of nothingness
Lifting unseen spires high 
Into its own nothingness
And within that nothingness
The sanctuary of Infinity
And within that infinity
The altar of Love
And on that love
The chalice of God
And within that god
Me
In womanly orans
Tall and uplifted
As a cathedral spire
Arms bent, spread wide
Fingers cupped
As though to catch and cradle
Anointing oil
Dripping forever
From Sophia’s chalice

Cracked Light

Leonard told us
It’s the cracks
Through which we see the light

I’ve been looking for them
Those cracks in my shell

My problem is this:
Words keep sealing up
Every crack I find

As soon as I find a crack
I name it
As soon as I name it
It is this
It is not any other that
As soon as I name it
The name becomes glue
And seals the crack

On and on 
Around my shell
I search
Whenever I see light
I know there is a crack
What crack?

God?
Enlightenment?
Satori?
Savasana?

Oh damn
It’s sealing up again
No more crack

I give up
I rest in the center
And let the shell be

Soon
I am flooded
And floating
In many cracked light

God/Us

Imagine, if you will, a person
No, wait, I don’t mean imagine the idea of a person
I mean SEE a person
How tall, how heavy
What color hair, eyes, skin
How old, how gendered

SMELL that person
Are they
Clean smelling
Slightly stale smelling
Or really rank

HEAR that person
Is their voice soft or loud
Their accent particular
Or talking heads generic
Do they snuffle
Sneeze
Cough
Or just quietly breathe

I don’t want you to sit there
Reading and imagining a vague person
I want you to imagine
A flesh and blood person
With girth and height
Color and clothing

Name that person
Know that person
Believe in that person

Now here’s the hard part
Believe that person
In their very particularity
Nothing more and nothing less
Is God
That is, that person is
Divine
Just like you
Just like me

Growing Silence

For six years
From 92 to 98
My mother lived with us

…

I have paused now
After writing those words
Because to give true texture
To that simple declarative
I have to reveal
Our ragged raveled family
Cut to pieces too often
By jealousy and illness
Alcohol and abuse

You see?
Already to write just that
Grows a weed in me
That offers no shelter
Even before the worm destroys it
And I sit, burning and cursing
And feeling sorry for myself

That is why my words stood still
A minute ago
Because what grows in my now stillness
Is just simple stillness
Silence
Sweet sweet quiet

But to appreciate what it means to me
To snuggle with Woody 
Within this tightly woven
Wide warm quiet quilt
For you to appreciate that
I would have to show you my family’s rags
And I would rather not

Or maybe, all I need tell you is this:
My mother
When she lived with us
Got up early, went to bed late
And kept CNN on her TV, loud, louder, loudest
Despite hearing aids and surround sound
So that even in my bedroom
A floor and a more away
I could hear the words of the talking heads
Louder than my own thoughts

Maybe I don’t need to tell you
More than that
For you to glimpse
The gorgeous flowering
Of silence in my home
And what it means to me

Of Soles and Souls





Spring brings daffodils
-	And crocuses, hyacinth, forsythia and nodding hellebores
-	Oh, look, my rosemary died, 
-       but here is that invincible curly parsley 
-	peeking up again
But it is the daffodils
In drifts and choirs throughout our property
That sing to my eyes

The grass grows tall
The first spring mowing yet to come
So, as I walk beside our gardens
Admiring daffodils
I fail to heed the smell
Until I feel the squish
Of that brown gift
Hidden by one of the dogs
In the growing greening grass
That gift that means
I will be scraping and washing
The soles of my shoes

Grateful even then
For the garden springing
In the soul of my senses

Permanence

Music is permanent,
only listening is intermittent.
from Bury your money by Jean Valentine

Poetry is permanent,
only the internet is intermittent 

Love is permanent,
only like is intermittent 

Beauty is permanent,
only pretty is intermittent 

Creativity is permanent,
only cleverness is intermittent 

Learning is permanent,
only knowing is intermittent 

Truth is permanent,
only believing is intermittent 

Life is permanent,
only living is intermittent 

God is permanent,
only faith is intermittent

Poetry, love, beauty, creativity
learning, truth, life, God
and me myself I
inhabit eternity


Daffodils

One Fall
Seven years ago
Woody planted
One hundred daffodil bulbs

Most bloomed that spring

Each year since then
More than most 
Bloom each spring
More and more than most
Until Woody dug some up
Divided and replanted them

The next spring
Yellow and white faces
On green legs
Nodded and smiled at me
From unexpected places

Just so
My grandfather returns
In a saluting man in uniform
My grandmother in a woman
In a fancy hat
My father in a wave that
Tickles my toes
My grandchildren, Madeleine and Lorien,
In a double stroller
Gordon in every prayer
And so I live among
Ever more
Golden daffodils

Suppose

Suppose you were me
Would you figure out a better way
Of being me

Suppose you were a murderer
Waiting through appeals
On death row

Suppose you were always happy
Laughing while others cried
Grinning while other mourned

Suppose you were always sad
Crying while other laughed
Mourning while other grinned

Suppose you were careless
And let life slip away
While you were making lists

Suppose you were careful
Filled with care for life
Consumed by love’s eternal flame

Suppose you were just you
Not particularly great or memorable
But also not just one thing or another

Suppose you, like Walt, 
contain multitudes
And are wonderfully made
Just as you are

Kneading Love





I sink down
Breathing in
This dark salty water

Beneath the waves
Beneath the storms
Beneath the fishes
Beneath the foam

Beneath arousal

I sink down
Breathing in
This ocean of tears

Tender tears
Joy and love
Sorrow and loss
Life whispers

I sink down
Breathing in
This eternal sea

Resting
Now
Quiet
Now

On the bedrock of your love

As I listen
Thoughtless -
That is
Deeper than thought

As I breathe
Careless -
That is
Quieter than care

I make love to you with my hands
Kneading your stiff shoulders

My nose breathes in
The analgesic
As my mind breathes in
The dark quiet
Waters of divinity

I breathe in NOW
Just now
I breathe out love
Always love

I knead love into your shoulders
With the analgesic

Beyond orgasm
Lies the learning
How to make love
In the deep unknowing