Hear, O God, my desperate plea
Listen to my crying
Pay attention to my prayer (please)
I do my best to be truthful with You
So that my life may flow from You
Relecting Your goodness
I want to live so that when You probe my mind and heart
You will find Them bright with Your own light
When I speak, my words will be kind and true
But You know me
I do try, but I often fail
I try to walk in Your grace and light
But still I stumble into darkness
Letting all of the unhelpful negatives block my walk with You
So I call on You, O God, trusting that You will answer me
I ask again
Listen to my crying
Pay attention to my prayer (please)
Show me the wonder of Your great love
Lift me up
Turn me to Your bright face
Keep me as the apple of your eye
Let me hide, not in the shadows of my own making
But in the shadow of Your bright wings
Let me hide in Your shadow
From the dark feelings that trouble me
From the thoughts that kill my joy
Keep my heart soft
Let me live in Your humility
Not in my own arrogant pride
I am so afraid—afraid of my own worst tendencies
My darkness, my arrogance, my despair, my envy
I try to walk with You
But they track me down, surround me
Trip me up, throw me down
They will devour my happiness, my abilities, my peace
Rise up in my mind and heart, O God
Rise up in my life
Let Your peace and goodness rise up
And bring down my darkness and troubles
Cut through my doubts and daydreams
O God, save me from living a life in darkness
Save me from focusing only on this world
In You I can find what I seek, what I need
In You my hungering soul can be filled
In You my poor struggling heart can find a wealth of peace
And I will see Your face reflected in all this world
I will say, always, “God is here”
And I will awake with hope, not dread.  Amen

Psalm 18
I love you, O God, my strength.

God is my strong foundation, my security, my savior
God is my refuge from despair
My shield of hope
My salvation call and my stronghold against doubt
I call upon God, God who is worthy of my praise and adoration
I call upon God because only She can save me
From those terrible Ds
Death, destruction, despair, doubt, depression, distractions
Attack me
Enclose me
Drown me
Entangle me
Trap me
In my distress, I called upon God
To my God, to Sovereign Lady Wisdom, I cried for help
I don’t know, can’t understand where God is
It is enough that I know God heard me
My cry for help found Her and She heard me
Oh my, how the psalmist does picture God’s might for me
I feel my world reeling and rocking
The foundations of my pride and doubt trembling and quaking
Is She angry with me? Or just coming in power to save me?
Stronger than the heavens
Swifter than the wings of the wind
More powerful than the deepest darkness
Bright fire, saving thunder
Arrows of faith piercing my heart
Lightning striking through my disbelief
The waters of my forlorn tears dry up
The universe is revealed as God’s creation
Formed by Her breath
Oh, I agree with the psalmist
God rescued me, rescues me
Not once, but again and again
She lifts me up from depression
She supports me in my faith
She delivers me from doubt
And She delights in me, loves me, cherishes me
But NOT, oh not, because of my righteousness
It is not my hands that are clean
For I have not kept the ways of God
I have departed, again and again, from God
So often have I failed to love others
To see God in others
I am not blameless, I have not kept myself from guilt
And yet, and yet, oh wonders of wonders
God has rescued me because of Her own righteousness
Out of Her own love
This is love, not that I love God, but that She first loved me
Though I was lost in my terrible Ds.

O God, when I am loyal to You, I feel Your loyalty
When I feel good, I feel Your goodness
When I forget You, I think You forget me
When I am lost and unhappy, I think You perverse and fickle
As if I created You, as if I control You
But You are constant, Your are true
You are enduring faithfulness and steadfast love
You are a God of contradictions
Delivering the humble, humbling the proud
The light of faith lights up my darkness
By You, with You, I defeat my terrible Ds
I leap over my wall of doubt and distractions

Lady Wisdom’s way is perfect
Her promises – for me – are true
She is my mother hen protector
Who is Lady Wisdom except YHWH?
Who is my strong foundation except God?
God who strengthens my faith
Lady Wisdom who makes my way safe
She supports me as I walk through life’s challenges
Faith in Her becomes my highest high
In Her I find my surest defeat of my terrible Ds
In Her I find my strongest support
Like a shield, Her love protects me
Like a wide ledge, Her help eases my way
With Her help, I chase away my terrible Ds
“I struck them down, so that they were not able to rise
They fell under my feet”
For God strengthens me and redeems me
God takes care of my enemies, those terrible Ds
That would destroy me
They try, oh they still try, time and again
They tell me they are supreme in my life
But God does not make them supreme
No, She rescues me, She gives me victory
So I can beat my doubt into dust
Trample my depression and rise above it
She delivered me from distractions
She gave me charge over my own life
Supporting me through troubles unknown
Through all of my trials, all of my troubles
Through all the possibilities of my life
God, my Sovereign God, supports me
And gives me victory
(Even when it does no look or feel like victory)
God lives! Blessed be my strong foundation
Exalted be the God of my salvation
God, Sovereign Lady Wisdom, who gives me peace
Who subdues my angers and my discouragement
Who delivers me from my terrible Ds
Exalted God who delivers me from my own violence
For this, O God, I extol you in my whole life
For this, O God, and so much more, I sing praises to Your name
Great triumphs She gives to me
And shows me Her steadfast love
Through all the ages of my life. Amen

The heavens declare the glory of God;
The skies proclaim the work of God’s hands
Day after day they shout it out; night after day they show me
Without words, beyond hearing, they speak to my heart
They proclaim God’s glory to all the earth, to the ends of the world
Just as an example consider the sun:
Its beauty, its power, its steadiness, its daily journey
How its energy impregnates the earth
Powerful Creator, let Your energy penetrate me so that I remember this:
Your way is perfect, reviving my soul
Your way is trustworthy, making me wise
Your way is right, bringing me joy
Your way is bright, lighting my life
You way is pure, giving me lasting peace
Your way is sure and altogether righteous
Your way is the golden way, better than gold
Your way is the honeyed way, better than honey
Like the sun warms the earth
Your way warms me and brings me true reward
You know I am often blind to my own failings
You know how negative thoughts and depressed feelings can ambush me
Forgive me and help me; don’t let darkness rule over me
Let my thoughts, words and deeds reflect Your light
O God, my rock and redeemer.  Amen.

Oh dear God, answer me when I am in distress
Can the name of the God of that great cloud of witnesses,
Those thousands of years of believers, really protect me?
God of peace, help me
God of strength, support me
Remember me, remember my prayers
Remember the times I offered You my contrite heart
Give me good and holy desires
Let my worthy plans succeed
Give me faith and hope, courage and conviction
Confidence and joy, victory over my warring emotions
Let me know this, remember this:
That You give victory to those who turn to You
You answer prayers
You lend me Your own power
Sometimes I trust in yoga, sometimes in psychology
Sometimes in others, sometimes in myself
But when I trust in You, when I trust in You
Ah, then I fall to my knees to worship You
Yet stand firm against my own weaknesses
So give me a royal victory
Answer me when I remember to call on You
(Please and thank You). Amen

In God I take refuge
Except, of course, for the parts of me that say
“There is no God, you’re on your own
Look how long you have struggled to ‘be good’
Have you ever managed?
Don’t the same ungenerous thoughts keep coming back and back?
Don’t you struggle still and always with envy and discouragement?”
Time and again the thoughts that I hate take aim to kill my peace of mind
Time and again my security is shaken to the foundations
Time and again I wonder what I can do to restore my tranquility
That’s when I have to remember:
God is on the heavenly throne
In the throne room of my interior castle
God can help me
God knows when I am in trouble of my own making
God loves me, God loves me, God loves me
My own failings can’t defeat me
Because God defeats them with righteousness and love for me
For God is righteous and God loves justice
And God loves me – and so we can meet face to face
Though God is almighty
And I am just me.
So I can take refuge in God.  Amen.

Help me, God, I am too often unfaithful
Filled with doubt
Lying to myself
Flattering myself
Deceiving myself
Banish my lies
Silence my boasting
Help me to remember
That it is not by my worthiness that I am saved
But by Your grace
I trust You to arise in my mind and heart
I trust You to protect me from my own doubts
In You I find silver truth
In You I find golden strength
In You I find sweet safety
The answer to my neediness
The protection of my righteousness
So that I will not ever honor what is vile and useless
But will rest secure in Your protection forever. Amen.

I come to You, God, having failed yet again
Failed in loving
Will this be my whole life?
Can I never love in imitation of Your love?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
And every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will anger and hurt triumph over me?
Look on me and help, O God
Be Ruler of my life
Lighten my heart or this deathly heaviness will persist
I will be lost in my own dark thoughts
Spiraling ever down into resentment and judgment, impatience and anger
BUT, writes the psalmist – the but that I want so much to live
I trust in Your unfailing love
(So very different than my temperamental likes and pouts)
My heart rejoices in Your salvation
(So save me already from failing to live Your love)
Save me so that, with the psalmist I can say, shout, sing, live
So others can see that
I sing to God, of God, with God, by God
For God has been good to me.  Amen.

When I am foolish, my heart tells me
“There is no God”
All I see is corruption, vileness
My world becomes a dreary and wicked place
I imagine God looking down on us
Wanting us to seek Her
I imagine God turning away in disgust
I imagine no God, I imagine nothingness
I turn away, feeling that I am as corrupt, as vile,
As lacking in goodness
As everyone and everything else
I forget, time and again
I fail to learn, I fail to remember
I stop calling on God
I let myself be overwhelmed by dread
But my forgetfulness, my fears
Cannot change the reality of God
God remains present, with all that is good and righteous
God remains the refuge of my impoverished understanding
My salvation comes from the usual place
From God—God who alone restores me. Amen.

God, when am I within your holy shelter
Lifted high by Your grace and righteousness?
When my walk is blameless
When I do what is right
When I speak the truth from my heart
When my tongue utters no slander
When I do no wrong to a neighbor
When I cast no slurs on others
When I don’t give in to my worst tendencies
But live a life that pleases You
When I keep a promise even when it hurts
When I don’t let go of my beliefs
When I give to the poor
When I support the innocent
And I believe I can live like this
With Your grace. Amen.