Psalm 38

When I am down, when those terrible Ds attack
Then, God, I feel like You are against me
I feel unwanted, unloved, abandoned, wounded with a deadly wound
Nothing feels good or healthy; I feel weak in my very bones
My guilt – real and imagined – overwhelms me, a burden too heavy to bear
I imagine myself as something foul and rotting, too sick to be healed
I am bowed down, brought low, going through my days with no joy
So heavy feels my burden that my back aches, my joints stiffen, my skin is on fire
I feel feeble, crushed, I groan with anguish in my heart
But You know all of this, none of this is news to You
Weakness and darkness – that is my world
Loneliness and rejection – that is my world
Failure and doubt – that is my world
Deaf to pleasure, mute in praise – that is my reality
Deaf to joy, mute in thanksgiving – that is my reality
Waiting, waiting, not able to do anything, I wait for You to rescue me – again
As always I ask that You save me from myself, pick me up before I slip down completely into a silent, dark grave
The most I can do is find the ability, in my pain and despair and doubt, to ask
The most I can do is admit all I can’t do for myself
When I am losing the battle against the enemies of my peace of mind
When my life seems useless, when everything I try to do seems worthless
When failure rules my thoughts
Do not forsake me, God, do not withdraw from me though I withdraw from You
Come quickly then to help me, O God my Savior. Amen.

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