Facebook Discourse

The first rule of Facebook discourse
Must be simply this:
Ignore Grice’s maxims of coherent discourse
No, not ignore: reject, subvert, invert

As to quantity, more is always better
Especially if you are giving advice
Which is what Facebook was created for
Right?
To prove that you know, know more, know better
Whether it is about pealing an onion or electing a politician

As to quality, write quickly, write carelessly
The quality will be proven by your unedited intensity
And do not slow the discourse down with weighty evidence
Evidence? We don’t need no evidence
Evidence is not a badge of authority but a red cape to the bull of skepticism

As to relation, write without regard to person or subject
The less you know the person, the more scathing your comment
Compassion is best reserved for church
Cruelty need not be a concern here: “Sticks and stones…” etc.
The less you know the topic, the more certain your judgment
Relevance is a classical concept in a postmodern world
Swim fearlessly through the murky waters of irrelevance

As to manner, Facebook is not a well-mannered society
Or a well-tempered conversation
Length trumps clarity; quickness trumps orderliness
Your first ambiguous half thoughts trump exactness
Your obscure sources trump common knowledge

So remember, please, when writing for Facebook
(Especially when commenting on someone else’s post):
Write more
Write quickly
Write carelessly
Eschew evidence
Eschew compassion
Eschew relevance
And, above all,
Forget your manners

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