I will praise God – and feel good because it is right
God builds me up; God gathers in my wanderings
God heals my broken heart; God soothes my wounded spirit
The same God who created the universe
That great God almighty, powerful, all understanding
That God lifts up my downtrodden spirit
That God defeats my own wickedness
I hum, I vibrate with thanksgiving for God
God of growth, God of renewal, God of life
God of sustenance, God of soul food
God does not care if I am the best or greatest
God cares only for my hope in Her steadfast love
With God’s great cloud of witnesses, I praise Her
For Her help, for Her strengthening of my weakness
For Her borning of my hope
For Her peace and Her bounty
For Her Word throughout my life, though I wander
She is God even of my darkness, my doubt
Even of the cold times of frost in my soul
Time and again She melts my frost
Time and again She blows away my doubt
Time and again Her waters of mercy wash me
And so I come, time and again, to Her
To be one of Her people, to live as Hers
Praise God. Amen
Month: April 2018
Call
Call
Dare her
To talk and begin to try to wipe away those misunderstandings
Like scum on the shower wall when you forget
That washing yourself is not enough, you have to clean the shower too
Or like essays unedited
That almost reveal some new truth or old truth newly conceived
But instead confuse you and leave you angry and restless
Call
Dare her
To listen and begin to try to laugh again together
The laughter like money hoarded just for you two
Stolen coins, slick with their owners’ unshed tears
Or like sneaky playground bullies
Who hurt so quietly that you seem mean to protest
Call
Dare her
To put on an asbestos suit and step with you
Into the lava pit and then take off a glove
Maybe, or lift a face mask
Anything to feel a little again even if it burns
To feel something like the same again
Even if only there in the
Caldera
Facebook Discourse
The first rule of Facebook discourse
Must be simply this:
Ignore Grice’s maxims of coherent discourse
No, not ignore: reject, subvert, invert
As to quantity, more is always better
Especially if you are giving advice
Which is what Facebook was created for
Right?
To prove that you know, know more, know better
Whether it is about pealing an onion or electing a politician
As to quality, write quickly, write carelessly
The quality will be proven by your unedited intensity
And do not slow the discourse down with weighty evidence
Evidence? We don’t need no evidence
Evidence is not a badge of authority but a red cape to the bull of skepticism
As to relation, write without regard to person or subject
The less you know the person, the more scathing your comment
Compassion is best reserved for church
Cruelty need not be a concern here: “Sticks and stones…” etc.
The less you know the topic, the more certain your judgment
Relevance is a classical concept in a postmodern world
Swim fearlessly through the murky waters of irrelevance
As to manner, Facebook is not a well-mannered society
Or a well-tempered conversation
Length trumps clarity; quickness trumps orderliness
Your first ambiguous half thoughts trump exactness
Your obscure sources trump common knowledge
So remember, please, when writing for Facebook
(Especially when commenting on someone else’s post):
Write more
Write quickly
Write carelessly
Eschew evidence
Eschew compassion
Eschew relevance
And, above all,
Forget your manners
Psalm 148
Praise God! Praise God with my best and highest
Praise God with all Her angels and great cloud of witnesses
Praise God in my light and in my dark, in all my shining possibility
Praise God in my best times, my brightest thoughts
Praise God who created me
Praise God who keeps me forever and ever, secure in Her embrace
Even in the depths and monsters of my depression
Even in the frosts and fury of my doubts
From my high points and my low alleys
With my best gifts and my worst faults
With my wildness and my work
When I am flying high and when I am barely creeping
When I think I am ruling my own life
Now that I am old, as when I was young
Through it all, let me praise God
God of glory, God of wisdom, God above all
May God hold me close, may God keep me faithful. Amen
What If
What if under the rock-strewn caldera
The lava still burns, filling a medievalist’s hell
What if under the snow-capped crest
The lava still flames, ready for a witch’s cauldron
What if under the time-leveled slope
The lava still runs, purpose to an alchemist’s dream
What if under the new-sprung green
The lava still chokes, hammer to a blacksmith’s anvil
What if under the peace that passes understanding
The lava still smothers, doubt to a believer’s faith
Psalm 146
Let me praise God
With every breath
As long as I live
Let me praise God all my life long
I want wisdom not more knowledge
I want sure help not false hope
I want healing not bandaids
All my knowledge, all my schemes
All my best efforts
Will die with me
My happiness, my help, my hope
Must be God
Immortal, almighty
Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer
Lady Wisdom
Faithful to me, She lifts my spirit
Loving me, She feeds my hope
God frees me
God’s light banishes my darkness
God’s steadfast love makes me whole
She comforts me, protects me
She, only She, destroys my enemies, those terrible Ds
Let God reign in my heart forever
My God for all my life long
Praise God! Amen.
New Love
Version 1
Even the twilight remnant of my youth has faded into old age
Yet still this night has a full moon’s light of shiny new lust
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my husband
Into my dark passage
Night, usually night, brings creaking, bump and grinding, laughing
Love making
Night, usually night, brings whispering, stroking, pressing, resting
Love stretching
Night, usually night, brings touching, turning, snoring, sleeping
Love trusting
Then day comes
And we are old again
(Yet still, even in the old sun’s unkind light,
Giggling, touching, dancing, preening, silly
With new love)
Version 2
Even the twilight remnant of our youth has faded
Yet still
In the young moon’s flattering light, shiny new lust
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my husband
Into my dark passage
Night, usually night, brings creaking, bump and grinding, laughing
Night, usually night, brings whispering, stroking, pressing, resting
Night, usually night, brings touching, turning, snoring, sleeping
Then day comes
And we are old again
Yet still,
In the old sun’s unkind light, shiny new love
That fountain of youth that sprays up lightly from my heart
Into my husband’s dark hollow
Day, usually day, brings giggling, touching, talking, preening
Day, usually day, brings working, lazing, coming, going
Day, usually day, brings smiling, knowing, speaking, feeling
New love
Psalm 149
Praise God! Can I yet find a new song of praise
Here at the end of my psalm journey
To be glad of my Creator
To rejoice in my Sovereign Lady Wisdom
To sing and dance, even if only inside myself,
For the sheer joy of living with God
God who is pleased with me, all of me
God who gives me victory over pride
Let me continue to try to be faithful
Let me continue, at least occasionally, to sing for joy
Let me praise God and rely on God
Let God be my two-edged sword
To sever my ties to those terrible Ds
Let God be my savior
To imprison my discouragement and doubt
Let God be my light
To banish my shadows of depression and deceit
Praise God! Amen
Creation
In the beginning, she wasn’t sure.
Maybe it was nothing.
Maybe it was just gas, the taco she had for dinner last night.
She lay there, waiting and there was nothing. It was nothing.
And she drifted almost to sleep.
But again that rolling not quite hurting pain.
A hardening, separating from the familiar softness.
And there was the hardening almost pain and the soft not pain, the first act.
And she said, “I think we had better get up.”
And so they got up. And her waters broke.
So she called out. Because she knew they should hurry now.
Call the doctor, give words to what was happening.
And there was some pain and the not pain, the second act.
And she said, “I need towels to sop up the water.”
She paid attention to the passage of time. How long between?
She gathered together every good thing that was necessary, that she had prepared.
And there was more pain and the not pain, the third act.
And she said, “We should go now, to the hospital.”
In the car, she prepared herself.
But still, in the hospital, it was more than she remembered.
There was the paperwork and the wheelchair.
There was the lying down and the light overhead.
And now the pain, when it came, caught up her breath and clenched her ribs, the fourth act.
And she said, “Go away, go away, go away or make it stop.”
Because there were people.
Good people, kind people, knowledgeable people, but so many people.
People pressing in while pain pressed out, the fifth act.
And she screamed, “Let me push!”
Now there was no not-pain. Now there was need for concentration.
First the effort of no effort, until the command, until the release.
Then she pushed. She breathed and pushed. She focused and pushed.
She squeezed out tears and she pushed out a baby.
And she smiled and said, “She looks like my grandmother, a little old wrinkled lady.”
And she saw that she was good.
She blessed her, and she said to her, “Be strong and gentle, fill your heart with care for this world.”
She said, “See, see my breast, here is your food, your strength. Latch on, my love.”
And it was so.
Woman saw everything that she had made, and indeed, it was very good.
And there was evening and there was morning, the birth day.
Genesis 1
Between Words
I cannot remember how to think without words
The family mythology is that one evening
Before I was 4 years old
My dad noticed that I could read the newspaper.
I do not remember how to be without words
I live inside words
And yet
In the spaces between words
The spaces that I try to fill with
Unspoken but not unthought words
In those spaces
Lives the feel of Woody’s beard
The shape of Andi’s womb
The drag of my mother’s cane
The smell of farting dog
The heaviness of wet laundry
All the life I love
But I do not know how to live there.
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