[Rebecca’s writing prompt for today was to use something from social media as inspiration. In the poem you will read a line about America’s summary of Gaudate et Exsultate. America is the national Jesuit magazine; Gaudate et Exsultate is the title of a new advisory for Catholics that Pope Francis just released. The title is in Latin and means Rejoice and Be Happy.]

Not yet ready to get serious about my day
(Which definitely includes
Snow
In April
In Virginia
And may include
My so-called husband and I
Going to the courthouse
Showing acceptable ID
Paying $30
And getting a marriage license)
But not yet

I am retired
My kids are grown
The immediate demands on my time are few
So Facebook first
Always good for pretending to do something
And today I can pretend even more deeply
Thanks to Rebecca and her prompt

I happily read through the weird, wonderful and inevitably political
Posts of friends
Check out my favorite Catholic women’s site
Share the latest endorsements
For my so-called (soon to be real) step-daughter’s
Latest book (which is in a race with her baby to be born)
Email America’s summary of five points from Gaudate et Exsultate
To two friends

And so I virtually stroll along
If not exactly rejoicing and feeling glad
At least enjoying and feeling a little smug
Doing my pretend work

So it is really not nice of the FB god
To plant that big ugly root that trips me up
And sends me sprawling
Shattering my complacency
That suggested post
That appears too frequently
Asking me,
“How likely are you to run out of money during retirement?”

Imagine a partially deaf
93 year old
Who watches CNN
Obsessively

Imagine her first language
Was not a language at all
But a mix of dialects
Her mother’s
Cajun French
And her father’s
New Orleans French

Imagine she often
Gives Mrs. Malaprop
A run for her money
Or her Monet, perhaps
Or her honey
Depending on the background noise

(When she drove, she sped up by pressing
On the exhilarator
When she does dishes, she washes them
In the zinc
When she writes an email she uses
Google air mail)

Imagine, in short, my mother

See her charge
(As much as a slow, bent old woman can charge
And that, it turns out, is quite a lot)
Into the kitchen as I wash dishes
(At the zinc, of course)
Charge up behind me and demand
“What is an oliguard?”

Hear me, retired professor,
Too much in love with knowledge
Talking at her about oligarchy
About oligarchs and fashionable words
About formal and common usage

Imagine her interrupting (finally)

Imagine her
Old and bemused, sometimes confused
But still able
In her way to crack
That whip smart

Imagine her saying
“So an oliguard is a very wealthy person
Who uses his wealth to guard
Politicians who guard his money.”

Imagine now
Forevermore
Oliguards

Call
Dare her
To talk and begin to try to wipe away those misunderstandings
Like scum on the shower wall when you forget
That washing yourself is not enough, you have to clean the shower too
Or like essays unedited
That almost reveal some new truth or old truth newly conceived
But instead confuse you and leave you angry and restless

Call
Dare her
To listen and begin to try to laugh again together
The laughter like money hoarded just for you two
Stolen coins, slick with their owners’ unshed tears
Or like sneaky playground bullies
Who hurt so quietly that you seem mean to protest

Call
Dare her
To put on an asbestos suit and step with you
Into the lava pit and then take off a glove
Maybe, or lift a face mask
Anything to feel a little again even if it burns
To feel something like the same again
Even if only there in the
Caldera

The first rule of Facebook discourse
Must be simply this:
Ignore Grice’s maxims of coherent discourse
No, not ignore: reject, subvert, invert

As to quantity, more is always better
Especially if you are giving advice
Which is what Facebook was created for
Right?
To prove that you know, know more, know better
Whether it is about pealing an onion or electing a politician

As to quality, write quickly, write carelessly
The quality will be proven by your unedited intensity
And do not slow the discourse down with weighty evidence
Evidence? We don’t need no evidence
Evidence is not a badge of authority but a red cape to the bull of skepticism

As to relation, write without regard to person or subject
The less you know the person, the more scathing your comment
Compassion is best reserved for church
Cruelty need not be a concern here: “Sticks and stones…” etc.
The less you know the topic, the more certain your judgment
Relevance is a classical concept in a postmodern world
Swim fearlessly through the murky waters of irrelevance

As to manner, Facebook is not a well-mannered society
Or a well-tempered conversation
Length trumps clarity; quickness trumps orderliness
Your first ambiguous half thoughts trump exactness
Your obscure sources trump common knowledge

So remember, please, when writing for Facebook
(Especially when commenting on someone else’s post):
Write more
Write quickly
Write carelessly
Eschew evidence
Eschew compassion
Eschew relevance
And, above all,
Forget your manners

What if under the rock-strewn caldera
The lava still burns, filling a medievalist’s hell
What if under the snow-capped crest
The lava still flames, ready for a witch’s cauldron
What if under the time-leveled slope
The lava still runs, purpose to an alchemist’s dream
What if under the new-sprung green
The lava still chokes, hammer to a blacksmith’s anvil
What if under the peace that passes understanding
The lava still smothers, doubt to a believer’s faith