O God, please hear me and help me
Let these prayers be my incense and sacrifice
Pleasing to You
Guard my thoughts and words
Guard my heart and actions
Give me patience and understanding
Give me generosity and wisdom
Do not let me turn from You
Do not let me become preoccupied
With my problems or my achievements
Let Your Word guide and correct me
Never let my own worst tendencies win
I pray, I pray, I pray always, please
Shatter my terrible Ds
Break apart my discouragement and doubt
Let me turn – metanoia – again and again to You
Be my refuge, my defense
Keep me from my own traps and snares
Ensnare my worst, that my best may escape
To live freely in and with You. Amen
Year: 2018
Psalm 142
Here I am, again, God, crying to You for help
Complaining, reviewing all my troubles and failings
Because where else can I go but to You
On my own, I fall into my own traps, again and again
I cannot find the help I need
In any philosophies or psychologies
I cannot think or work my way out of distress
So I come to You, again, counting on You
Please help me for once again I feel trampled on
Brought low by my own failings
Those failings that are too strong for me
Those failings that imprison me
Without You, I have no hope
So please help me and I promise to be grateful
I hope to live within Your righteousness. Amen
Psalm 143
Would You please listen and answer me, God
I am trying to believe in Your faithfulness
That only in You is righteousness
I hope You are not judging me
Because right now I feel like I would not fare well
I’m tired, I’m sick and tired, and I’m angry
Here I am in darkness and doubt again
Feeling crushed, feeling pursued by my own failings
And feeling unheard
I have this appalling feeling that there is no one to hear me
I remember those times when I am sure of You
When I don’t doubt Your reality
When I find peace and pleasure just in praying
In writing these psalms, in preparing Sunday School
In reading about You
But right now, all I feel is dried up and parched, again
I try to find You, but all I find is emptiness
Come on, God, I am tired of being polite
I am tired of being here again and again
I am tired of worrying again about Your existence
Tired of wondering if I am a fool
I can’t find You, I can’t hear You
Can’t believe in Your steadfast love
I want to trust You, trust in You
But if You hide from me, how can I
How can I even pray for You to save me
When I can’t even feel Your existence
Come on, God, come on, show up
If You are my God, then be my God
Act like it, show me how to be Yours
Lead me in Your goodness
Save me, save me, save me
Get rid of these troubling thoughts and feelings
If Your love for me is steadfast
Then why won’t You end my struggles
Why won’t You let me live quietly
Quietly and surely as Your own. Amen
Five Sentences on Sunday Morning
As the final hymn begins
I leave church,
smiling at John,
our friendly and familiar usher,
to hurry to the car
to pull it up near the door
so my almost 94 year old mother
won’t have too far to walk.
I back out of the parking space
and pass the parked cars
of those still singing the final hymn together
as I drive forward
away from the exit
towards the door,
lowering the visor
because it is a sunshine soft spring day.
My mother, who has walked part way to the curb,
stands leaning on her cane,
her face lit with joy and laughter
as she talks with a little girl
and her toddler brother
who buzz around my mother
like bees around a bent sunflower.
I sit quietly for a moment
watching my mother,
my white, deep South, segregation,
Jim Crow born and bred mother
laughing in the sunshine after mass
with two small black children.
Big things are still wrong
with the church and the world
but this morning I am grateful
for grace
in sunshine
in a new memory,
an outward sign
of God’s presence and power.
Psalm 144
Blessed be God, the bedrock of my peace
God who supports my best efforts
God who delivers me from my worst failings
God who alone gives my spirit refuge
And subdues my terrible Ds
O God, how can eternal You notice ephemeral me
Can You really care for me when I am just a dust mote
Taking shape briefly and then blown away
And yet, I dare to call upon Your help
Burn away my mountains of doubt
Pierce my darkness
Rescue me from drowning in my failings
Save me from my own deceits and pride
Then this dust mote will sing with Your grace
Though I have no talent, still I will hum and vibrate
With Your forgiveness, Your unfailing love
As You rescued David, as You were with Ruth
Claiming her for Your own
So You rescued and are with me
Save me from my own deceits and pride
May the thoughts that are born in my mind
Reflect Your truth and Your grace
May my actions towards others
Reflect Your love and Your support
Fill my life with Your goodness
Increase Your presence in my consciousness
Help me to share in creating Your peace
Do not let me wander far from You
Because only with You is my true happiness
Only with You is my assured peace. Amen
Psalm 145
I praise You, my Sovereign God, and bless Your name forever
Every day, every day, I want to bless You and praise You
I want to live within sureness of Your unsearchable greatness
I come back to these psalms to remind myself of You
To live again within Your majesty, Your wonder, Your mighty acts
So that I can proclaim again, to myself, the wonder of You
Of Your abundant goodness, Your enduring righteousness
You are gracious and merciful to me, slow to anger
Abounding in steadfast love
Good to me, to all of me, and compassionate because You made me
I want my life to be one of thanksgiving to You, O God
I want my life to speak, without words, of Your glory and power
Of Your love, Your splendor, Your salvation
I want to live always within Your truth, throughout my life
I want to believe in Your faithfulness, Your grace, Your reality
I need You to keep me from falling, from being bowed and broken
I need You to keep me close and to feed my spirit
I need You to open Your hand and give me what my spirit needs
I need to believe that
You are always just and kind
You are always near when I call
You hear me, answer me, save me
You watch over me, love me, protect me
I want to praise You, God, to give thanks for Lady Wisdom, always. Amen
What Was Jesus?
[I wrote this two years ago for a women’s retreat in Valdosta, Georgia.]
Was Jesus:
- Wanted: I was taught that He was the Messiah the Jews were waiting for; so He must have been wanted, right? But Jews expected a hero-warrior-king. [Jeremiah 23:5: The days are surely coming, says the LORD, when I will raise up for David a righteous Branch, and he shall reign as king and deal wisely, and shall execute justice and righteousness in the land.] Romans wanted a puppet king (Herod); Mary wanted to marry Joseph and have kids after marriage. Nobody wanted or expected what happened.
- Welcomed: Maybe He wasn’t what they expected, but since He was so much MORE than they expected, He was welcomed by them, right? But even His family doubted Him and tried to get Him to stop. [Mark 3:21 21 When his family heard it, they went out to restrain him, for people were saying, ‘He has gone out of his mind.’] In the (almost) end, He was so unwelcome that He was crucified.
- A liberal or a conservative: Jesus is not our favorite brand of politician; He removed Himself and His kingdom from the politics of this world. [John 18:36 Jesus answered, ‘My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my followers would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here.’]
- A feminist or an anti-feminist: He is a salvation-ist; He did not come to elevate the status of women or to keep them subjugated. He came to save women – and men. Jesus’ ministry and His disciples included women; His parables included women (sweeping the house to find a lost coin), His miracles included women, women anointed Him with oil and tears, cried for Him as He carried His cross, stood at the foot of His cross, went to His tomb, and Mary Magdalene was the first to proclaim the good news of His resurrection. [John 20:18 Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’; and she told them that he had said these things to her.] But He cannot be called a feminist any more than He can be called a Democrat or Republican – BECAUSE THAT CONCEPT DID NOT EXIST THEN.
- A social reformer: He did not come to make the world a better place. He came to remind us that this world is not our real home and destiny. [Luke 4:42-43 At daybreak he departed and went into a deserted place. And the crowds were looking for him; and when they reached him, they wanted to prevent him from leaving them. But he said to them, ‘I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other cities also; for I was sent for this purpose.’] Jesus began a powerful social reform movement – one that continues to this day, including His “preferential option for the poor.” But that was not His purpose. His purpose was to deal with sin; social reform is an effect of Jesus’ mission, not His primary mission.
- A religious reformer: He did not come to reform Judaism; He did not come to start a new religion; He came to tell us that God is with us right where we are; we don’t need religion. [Matthew 4:17 From that time Jesus began to proclaim, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.’] Repent = metanoia = turn around: The kingdom of heaven is not with the High Priest in the Holy of Holies in the temple in Jerusalem. The kingdom of heaven is all around you.
- Christian: He was JEWISH! Matthew chapter 1 establishes Jesus as a Jew (descendant of Abraham) in the kingship line (descendant of David). He was raised, lived and died as a Jew.
- The savior of the world: Jesus is the savior of individuals; of each person. He did not come to make the world great again, or whole again, or fair again – He came to bring individuals out of the world and into the kingdom of heaven. [Mark 2:5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’]
- God’s Son: “Son of God” is a (confusing) way of describing God-incarnate; Jesus is God: teach third grade if you don’t get how confusing it really is. [John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.]
- A man who lived 2,000 years ago: He was born 2,000 years ago; He lives TODAY!
- The best advice columnist ever: He told us what the Law expected in order to make it clear that we will ALWAYS fail to earn salvation by keeping the law (as St. Paul, St. Augustine, Martin Luther and Nadia Bolz-Weber remind us). Salvation is ours only by “right” of grace: the righteousness of God freely given to us. [Luke 18: 26-27 Those who heard it said, ‘Then who can be saved?’ He replied, ‘What is impossible for mortals is possible for God.’ Those who heard it said, ‘Then who can be saved?’ He replied, ‘What is impossible for mortals is possible for God.’]
- My best friend: I “get” my best friends; lots of times I don’t “get” Jesus and I certainly don’t like what He wants of me. My BFFs are pretty easy for me to understand and love. Jesus is full of contradictions. Once we get past the Christmas and Easter feel-good stories, and pay attention to His words and ministry, things can get pretty confusing. Mary couldn’t understand Him consistently, nor could Peter, Thomas, Paul – or even your pastor.
The truth is, I don’t know, from day to day, who Jesus is and will be to me. So I have to keep going back to hang out with Him – I have to keep reading the Bible – to make sure that I am not creating an idol whom I call Jesus.
Here’s what I know: I want to know the Jesus whom Thomas (yes, the one we call Doubting Thomas) knew and I want to respond to him as Thomas responded. Thomas only speaks 3 times in the gospels, all in the gospel of John:
- John 11:16 Thomas, who was called the Twin, said to his fellow-disciples, ‘Let us also go, that we may die with him.’
- John 14:5 Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?’
- John 20:28 My lord and my God. (The only time in the Gospels that Jesus is called God.)
I want Jesus to be the person I live and die for; I want to follow Him; I want to acknowledge Him as lord of my life and as God. That’s what I want but, like St. Paul: I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. … For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. (Romans 7: 15, 19)
Then my comfort, my peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7), my blessed assurance is that I do not have to be consistent because God is consistent in His belief in me, His love for me, His salvation of me. As the old hymn says:
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
Psalm 136
O give thanks to God who is good
Whose steadfast love endures forever
O give thanks to God almighty
Whose steadfast love – for me! – endures forever
God alone does great wonders in my life
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who made me and all my world
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who gives me everlasting water
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who brings light to my darkness
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who guards my waking and sleeping
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who rescued and redeemed me
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who brings me through my troubled times
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who is with me even in my wilderness times
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who alone can remove my doubt
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who alone can lift my distress
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who alone can lighten my spirits
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God who brings me Her wisdom
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God sees my troubles
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God rescues me from my troubles
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
God nourishes my soul
Because God’s steadfast love endures forever
O give thanks to the God of my life
Because Her steadfast love – for me – endures forever Amen
Psalm 137
By the rivers of my distractions
I weep
I remember, long for, Your peace that passes understanding
But my joy is strangled in the branches of my despair
When I try to sing
My disquiet silences me
How can I sing of God’s goodness
When I feel forsaken and exiled, depressed and distressed
And yet, when I forget God, when I doubt God
My spirit withers
My words dry up
When I do not set God
Above all other pleasures in my life
As my greatest joy and peace
Ah, God, I know these times of disquiet
When my heart tells me to doubt Your existence
Your power, love and grace
Ah, these devastating, depressing times
I will be happy when these times are banished forever
I will know Your peace when my terrible Ds are smashed
Smashed against the reality of You. Amen
Psalm 138
I give You thanks, O God, with my whole heart
Before all the demands of my life
I pause to sing Your praise
May that be true even when I feel too busy
Let me be grateful for my times and places of worship
Let me thank You for your steadfast love
For Your faithfulness
Let me remember
That Your name and Your Word are exalted
Above everything in my life
When I call on You, when I come crying to You
You answer me
You increase the strength, the peace of my soul
Through all the demands of my life
Let me praise you, O God, my Lady Wisdom
Let me pause to hear Your words for me
Let me sing – to myself – of Your mercy
Of Your great glory
For though You are Sovereign, almighty God
You help me, time and again
Only when I trust to my own goodness
Only when I become proud of my own knowledge
Do You seem far from me
Until I remember, again
That though I walk in the midst of trouble
You protect me and preserve my spirit
You deliver me from my troubles
You will fulfill Your purpose for me
Because Your steadfast love endures forever
Still, I cannot stop myself from pleading with You
Remember me, remember You created me
Remember me, remember You saved me
Do not forsake me. Amen
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