Thank You, God, for the times I feel You near
Thank You for the times I remember all You have done for me
Help me to remember that You will judge me
More fairly, more lovingly, than I judge myself
Help me to remember that it is in You that I find
Peace and security, though my world trembles
Please and Praise
Help me to remember that I cannot help myself
I cannot defeat my demon-enemies
The ones that are of my own making
The ones I carry inside
Not by insight, not by pills, not by counseling
Not by family, not by friends, not by accomplishments
Not even by prayer
Not I but You – You can put down the worst and lift up the best in me
You can poison all that poisons my peace
Then I will be able to rejoice forever
I will be able to sing Your praises, with that great cloud of witnesses
Help me to remember this
In You, all of my wickedness, all of my darkness will disappear
In You, because of You, my righteousness will shine. Amen

HA! This is what I call my singing: making a joyful noise to God
I sing because I love to sing – off-key often, wrong words frequently
But I trust that God hears my singing as praise
As gratitude for Her power to vanquish those enemies
That populate my internal world, those terrible Ds
So that ALL of me can praise God. Please & Praise
Ah, I hope I can remember what God has done for me
Time and time again
When I was drowning in doubt, God dried up my doubt
When I slip in my muddy thoughts and murky feelings
God raises me up to worship
God guards me so that darkness does not swallow me. Please & Praise
So let me bless God, let me go on singing Her praise
God, who has kept me from the death of hope
God, who is not afraid to let me fail, let me wait
God, who infuriates me and refuses to baby me
God, who trusts me to survive all of my own troubles
God, who watches as I am burned by doubt, drowned by depression
God, who waits for me, as I wait for Her
In my spacious space of peace
Let me remember God when I am NOT troubled
Let me remember God when my interior world is peaceful
Let me remember then to praise God
To bring my best to God. Please & Praise
Let me remember to tell myself, often, what God has done for me
What God is
Why I believe, even though I doubt and do not believe
Why I love God, even though I doubt and do not believe
Why I rely on God, even though I doubt and do not believe
Why I trust God, even though I distrust most religion
Blessed be God, who has not rejected me
Or removed Her steadfast love from me
Though I doubt and disbelieve and distrust
Blessed be God. Amen

May God be gracious to me and bless me
May God make Her face to shine upon me. Please & Praise
Oh God, help me to remember Your grace and graciousness
That I might never forget that in You alone do I find salvation
Bring peace and unity, quiet and love to my disordered internal world
That I might praise You wholeheartedly
Let me be glad and sing for joy with and for Your world
Let me remember Your fairness, Your grace
Let me trust You throughout my life. Please & Praise
Bring peace and unity, quiet and love to my disordered internal world
That I might praise You wholeheartedly
You have blessed me even while I am troubled and doubting
You, You, God who is beyond my smallness, have blessed me
Welcoming me, even with my doubts and struggles, into
Your great cloud of witnesses
May You continue to bless me, undeserving though I be
Let me continue to revere You, praise You, thank You
All the days of my life, all the ways of my life. Amen

Let God rise up and scatter my doubts and depression
Let all darkness and despair flee
Evaporate like mist in the sun
Melt like wax in the flame
Let my gladness, my happiness, my joy
Rise up with and to God
Let me sing praises to God
Let me lift up a song into the sky
Because God, my Lady Wisdom, gives me joy
Parent and protector
Provider and freedom fighter
No longer need I be a prisoner of despair
No longer need I live a dry, parched life
God, You lead people out of bondage
God, You keep people safe in the wilderness. Please & Praise
Powerful God, Wisdom God of desert and garden
You save me, time and time again,
Leading me back to faith, to belief, to joy
When You, God, are Ruler of my life
How I love it when my doubts and darkness flee
Disappear in Your power, Your grace
I feel rich, rich in the gold of Your power
The silver of Your grace
Scattering the thought-enemies
The feeling-enemies
Who attack my peace
What do mountains of earthly wealth and power count
Compared to the wealth and power of God’s love
With might, untold unimaginable wisdom
God has conquered the worst of my inner enemies
Has led me to Her own place of refuge
God receives my praise and love
Even those parts of me that struggle
Blessed be the Sovereign God who daily bears me up
God is my salvation. Please and Praise
God is a God of salvation; to God, my Sovereign Lady Wisdom,
I owe my escape from doubt, despair, darkness, defeat
And death. Amen.

Save me, O God, from drowning in my own murky, dark thoughts and fears
I am sinking in that age old slough of despond, under the weight of sin
Sin without number, sin without name, sin separating me from your life-saving buoyant love
Sin drowning me, attacking me, pushing me down, not even my sin
Just general despair at the sinfulness of this world
I feel its hate, I feel its despair, I feel its ugliness
I try to restore what I did not destroy, and I despair, I drown
God, oh God, You know my doubts, You know my conflicts
Am I going to worship You or reject You as myth
Am I going to honor You or forget about You
Am I going for the cynical or the hopeful; the worldly or the spiritual
Am I going to be scornful of my own puny faith
Sometimes I do not know my own mind, my own heart
I laugh at my own faith, doubt my own prayers
I second guess myself and You, O God
Like a drunkard, I wander without clear purpose
I shout and sing when I should quietly listen for You
I know, I know – I have to wait, to wait for Your right time
You will answer me, rescue me, in the abundance of Your steadfast love
You will lift me from the mire of my own doubts, lift me above the deep waters of doubt in which I flounder again and again
“Answer me, O Lady Wisdom, for Your steadfast love is good; according to Your abundant mercy, turn to me. Do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in distress – make haste to answer me. Draw near to me, redeem me, set me free” – from my doubts, my second guessing
“I looked for pity, but there was none; for comforters, but I found none.”
I poison my faith with doubts; my inability to be faithful leaves a sour taste in my mouth
It’s up to You, God; You need to destroy these doubts, to keep me faithful
You need to redeem me, save me, help me, comfort me
You need to do it all
“I am lowly and in pain; let Your salvation, O God, protect me.”
I will praise Your name, I will sing, I will give thanks
I long to be a shining example; I want to give hope to the hopeless
I want to have the kind of strong faith that inspires faith
But I am weak, God, and only You are strong
So save me, save us, please
Strengthen me, strengthen us, please
Build me up, build us up, please
So that we can live in Your love and salvation forever. Amen

“Be pleased, O God, to deliver me.” O Wisdom, “make haste to help me!”
End my doubts and confusion; grant me life and peace
Turn away my anger, my humiliation, my disquiet
Before it hurts me, before it destroys me
I envy those who are confident in You
Who rejoice always and are forever glad in their assurance
Of You and Your salvation
Who spend their lives, with no doubts, proclaiming Your greatness
“But I am poor and needy”
So if I am going to have any confidence, any peace
It will have to come from You. Could You hurry a bit, please?
I don’t like to sound impatient, but I really need help
I need a deliverer
And that can only be You. So please don’t delay. Amen

Who are You, God?
A person who answers my prayers?
A rock?
A refuge?
A tower?
A tent?
A winged creature?
My benefactor?
Yhwh, the great I Am Who I AM?
I pray but I’m not sure Who it is I pray to
Someday one image speaks to me, someday another
Someday none
The old images, the old words
I cry out, my heart grows faint
I don’t ask to be queen, to be enthroned forever
But I do ask for peace
I turn to You to heal me of my dissatisfactions with myself
Can a rock, a tower, a tent, a winged creature heal me?
I need a Person who will love me faithfully
Of that Person I will sing forever
That Person I will love forever
Or at least as long as She gives me the power to love and sing.
Amen

The story of my life: contradictions and ephemeral certainties
I call on God as if She existed
I put my life in Her hands, proclaim Her my only certainty
I believe, I believe in the Almighty
Who can rule my unruly heart as completely as the ordered cosmos
But but but
Time and again I feel besieged, lost, bewildered
Resentful, deserted, unsure, foolish, alone
Worthless, defeated, deceived, deadened
Are my tears maudlin or spirit-filled
Is my heart naïve or uplifted
How I wish God would grant me continuing certainty
Here is where I want to live: where I can say every day
My soul finds rest in God, my hope arises from God
God is my rock, my salvation, my fortress, my sure bet, my certainty
I will not be shaken
I know the truth and the truth is God
God is my trustworthy refuge, always
Why can’t I hold onto it? Why do I envy just about everyone
Why does my heart turn again and again to the worthless things
To the dark things, to the trivial, to the vain, to the small and mean
And to top it all off, I can’t even get past the basic contradiction that is God
This God in whom I choose to believe even though I am uncertain of Her existence
Sometimes, when I turn to God, I know Her power and love, Her ability and willingness to keep me in Her peace
And sometimes when I turn to God, I fear Her judgment; I fear that I can never be what She want, what She deserves. Aw, hell. Amen.

“Oh God, you are my God, I see you, my soul thirsts for you”
Can’t say better than that
Water, water again, the water of eternal life, of no more thirst
The water that causes life to flower
The water of love that is better than life, better than a parched, dry life
In what sanctuary do I find water? Where do I go?
When I lift my hands and one leg in the tree asana?
When I sing hymns in church?
When I sit in bed, early in the morning, playing with the psalms?
Everywhere and anywhere, of course
Here is laughter, here is joy, here is security
Not just water but a rich feast of comfort and security
Morning, noon and night
In waking, working hours, in dark, quiet hours
Always You, God, are my help and in Your shadow is light
And truth and water and feast – joy upon joy
A flood of trouble cannot drown me because You hold onto me
Ha, ha – I laugh the laugh of scorn at troubles, doubts, all the terrible Ds
They are doomed
I am saved. Enough already. Amen.

Hear my voice, O God, raised again in complaint
I know I whine – forgive me but hear me & help me
Keep my peace, conquer my worries
Help me to live in goodness not wickedness
Help me to give love not hate
Help me to be tender not biting
Help me to be joyful not bitter
Don’t let me be overtaken, overpowered by envy
Don’t let me be ensnared by jealousy or worry
Keep me from hopelessness
Keep me from pride
Keep me from deviousness
Destroy those destroyers of my peace, Oh God
Ruin them, run them out, reverse their plans
And then, and then, lend me Your righteousness
That I can rejoice in You, take refuge in You
Remain steadfast and upright in glorifying You. Amen.